The day I met Sydney, was the day I nearly killed her. Want to know something about life? Life is a bitch.

But it brought me to her. Despite everything.

***

 It wasn’t something that I wanted to happen. Could I have prevented it? Probably.

I was just driving home.  Like usual. Pissed, I admit. Taking in the scenery calmed me. The neighborhood was a wistful place. Couples holding each other hands, laughing down the street. Families sprawled out on their lawns, running around and smiling. Happiness. Happiness as the little boy would hug his mother.  What did that use to feel like?

But did it matter to even think about those things? My mom is dead.

I shook my head. “Snap out of it, Ilhami. Focus on your driving.” Allah, I was dumb.

Finally I look forward to see a black girl riding a bicycle directly into my car. “Damn.” I pressed the horn, but it didn’t stop her. Her eyes closed, her hair flying behind her, she looked…content. I couldn’t drive anywhere; the street was narrow enough that I’d drive on someone’s lawn. My dad would kill me.

And then it happened. She still didn’t seem to hear me, so my hands went to the brakes. But I was too late.  Her body was tossed like a ball as her back slammed against the windshield and sagged to the floor.

“Holy shit. Did I just kill her?” I had to check. Getting out of the car, I rushed over to her body.

Once I looked closely, her small body was sprawled on the ground, black hair with mid-brown caramel highlights strewn across her round face. “Hey. Hey!” My hands shook her, but she remained placid.

“Oh my god. Did I really kill her? Should I call the ambulance?” I whispered. What had I done? I had to get her to a hospital. My hand rustled in my pocket as I found my phone. My hands dialed 911, and the dial drawled intermittently before someone answered.

“Hello? I just hit someone and they’re not responding−” A groan came from the side, making me turn to the girl in my arms.

Her eyes fluttered open, revealing gigantic brown eyes. She’s alive. Alive. I let out a shaky breath. “Thank god you’re alive−”

The next thing she did shocked me: reached out and snatched the phone from me, ending the call.

“What the hell are you doing? We need to get you to a hospital…” She placed a finger against my lips.

“Shh. Take me to the park nearby.”

I blinked. What?

I put my hand on her forehead.  No bumps. “Look, I think you may have a concussion. We should go to the hospital to get you checked out.”  She glared at me.

“You nearly killed me. You trashed my bike. You’re going to take me where I want.” She said, and my mouth was left hanging.

She was right though. The front of the bike was crushed in half. Oh Allah, what could I do? My dad would kill me for hitting someone with their car.

There was only one choice.

“Fine. I’ll get your bicycle. Just get into the car.” I put her arm around her shoulders, helping her in first.

***

I did just what she wanted. I drove to the park nearby, and we sat on a bench. I had to help her, she had a slight limp. She crossed her legs, purple blotches forming on her amber skin. Just how hard did had my car hit her? She should have been crying or frightened.

She just got hit by a car, and she was acting so…normal.

“Ilhami Fisek, right? You’re the Turkish kid in our grade.” Her voice made me jump, and I turned to face her.

“You know me? You go to my school?” Sydney opened her eyes and leaned closely to my face. Heat began to rush to my face.

“You’re a sore thumb. The ‘Muslim’ kid. Frankly, I think it’s hypocritical. We’re all ‘Christian’ kids aren’t we? People are funny. Just because someone is different, we pick them out and ridicule them.” The girl laughed, her hair bouncing with her.

The blood drained from my face. But I knew. Terrorist, Muslim, go back to your country. It was all too well known to me. How could I not know? I shook my head. “More importantly, who are you? I don’t anything about you. And what do you want?” I demanded, and then she was silent.

She cleared her throat. “Sydney Ibori. Now you know me.” Odd. I never noticed her. Then again, I didn’t have a lot of friends.

I took her hand, shaking it. “Sydney, as nice as this whole thing is, I still need to get you to the hospital,” Sydney rolled her eyes, “And, tell my dad I’m an idiot and I accidentally hit someone with a car. I saw you, I knew you were in your own world I still didn’t stop−”

Sydney let out a harsh sigh. “It’s alright. I don’t mind at all. Don’t tell your dad. But I do have something I want you to do.”

I furrowed my eyebrow. “What would that be?”

“Come here at three every day, and help me walk until I heal. And you’ll buy me a new bike in time. Deal?”

What harm could come out of that? It was better than getting my dad involved. I bit my lip. “Deal.”

And that’s how I came to know Sydney.

***

I shut the door behind me and sighed. I didn’t want to even think about what this ‘deal’ was going to eventually cost me. I threw my bag down on the floor as I went to the living room. God, my dad would kill me for coming home so late. I just had to make up an excuse. Yeah.

“Hey dad, I’m home….what the hell are you doing?”

Some white woman with blond hair lay on top of my father.  Both looked sweaty, panting for breath. She was straddling him on the couch and my father’s belt was undone.

The woman’s blue eyes pierced my own blue eyes. “O-Oh my god. G-God. Ekrem, your son is back. Get up!” Her ears were red to the tips as she pulled herself off of my father.

My father got up from the couch, pulling his shirt down and I stood there, almost numb. Were they about have… sex? On our couch? The house, me, my mom, and my dad lived in?

My father reached out for me. I recoiled.

“Look, Ilhami I can explain.” My father started, and I shook my head slowly. My eyes stared downwards at his undone bent. All the color drained from my face. My father seemed to notice, and quickly fixed it back.

“Don’t explain. Just don’t. You were about to have sex. How dare you do this in the house me, you, and mom lived in? How could you do that? How could you do that to her?” Tears were flowing freely down my face. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help that I broke.

That woman, stood there looking down as if guilty. Good. She should be.

My father looked down at his feet, closing his eyes as they trembled. “Ilhami, please let’s talk about this−”

“No. I don’t want to talk. Without looking back, I ran to my room and locked the door shut.

***

There was a knock on the door, and I pulled my head from under my pillow to look as the door cracked open.

My father stood there, fully clothed and changed. “Can I come in?”

I moved my head back into the pillow, not even bothering to look at him. “Go away.”

He took that as a yes, closed the door behind him and walked slowly to my bed to sit on the edge.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t know how to. It’s been two years since your mother died, and I was broken. But I needed to move on. Your mom…” My head moved to see my father run his thumb over his lips with a frown.

“She was everything to me. I won’t deny that. She gave me you and her everlasting love.  That is a blessing enough. That woman I was kissing downstairs was…her name is Valerie. And she convinced me to take another shot at love. I’ve known her for about six months. She’s a lovely woman if you get to know her−”

“I don’t want to get to know her.” I mumbled. I knew I was acting like a kid, but I couldn’t help it. Why did he have to move on? Why did things have to change?

My dad let out a harsh chuckle, and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t blame you for be angry. Just try to understand, I’m a person too. Not just your dad. I can’t be perfect, no matter how I want to be. You’ll understand someday. I’ll call you for dinner soon, so come down okay?”

I didn’t reply, but my father ruffled my hair before getting up and leaving.

***

Sadly, I saw Valerie more often than I’d like. Valerie and my dad were more careful as to not have me walk in on them again.

It didn’t help them from hugging each other, and sneaking sickening glances at each other. On the other hand, I hadn’t seen Sydney in weeks. She was the one who told me to go the park and we should talk, but she never showed up. What was up with her? I wasn’t ready for her to rat me out.

“Ilhami! You’re shift has been over for thirty minutes. Get out of the bookstore already.” I snapped out of my thoughts, to see my boss Carrie glaring at me.

I shook my head. “Sorry. I’ll be right out.” I changed, and I came to the front of the bookstore.  I had half of the money that could buy the same bicycle she had. I just needed to work for a few more weeks−

A shriek came as I collided with someone. “I’m sorry….Sydney?” Speak of the devil; Sydney sat there on the floor with scattered books.

“Where have you been? You haven’t been at the park for about a week.” I helped her gather the books, and placed them back in her hands. My eyes were drawn to the bandage on her foot.

Sydney averted her eyes and looked down, biting her lip. “My parents have been a little over-protective lately, I told them I crashed my bike, they freaked out. I haven’t been able to go anywhere but today.  I was allowed to walk here.”

“Oh.” So she wasn’t messing with me. I guess I misjudged her. We both walked to the counter as she paid for her stuff.

“So, why are you here?” I read the book titles. Most were on drawing, and there were also sketchbooks. Interesting.

“I work here. I just got off.” I said. Sydney stared at me curiously.

“Did you miss me? I’m sorry. I didn’t have your phone number.” I turned my head. Sydney almost looked…pretty.

 “Who said I missed you? I just don’t want to get you to get me in trouble.” That was it.

Sydney smiled, her dimples flashing. Why was she so cute? “Oh, that’s good.  Well I need a favor. Take me to the park.”

I was still out of breath. I cleared my throat. “You came with someone right?”

She took my hand pulling me towards the door. “Does it matter? Let’s just go.”

Being dragged around is annoying. But I still didn’t fight her anyways.

***

Everything almost settled into a rhythm.  Go the park with Sydney. Help her walk around. Laugh and talk with her. It was obvious I was beginning to like her. I was valuing those tiny moments passing by that everyone would miss.

On the other hand, Valerie visits were more frequent than usual as the months passed. It was November since I’d met her in August. One day I got into the house from the park, to meet Valerie cooking.

Cooking. “ What are you doing here?” Valerie nearly knocked the pan she was moving to the floor. Spaz.

She smiled at me over her shoulder. “ Um, I was making dinner for you guys. I thought we should become closer.”

Instead of answering, I eyed the pan. Was she frying pork?

“ I don’t eat, pork.” I snapped, searching for food through the fridge.

“ Why?” I looked at her slowly.

“ I’m a Muslim.” Did Valerie not know? Valerie bit her ring finger, which revealed a diamond ring. No. Oh no.

“ I’m an atheist so I wouldn’t know that much yet.” Yet? Behind her, my dad came down from the steps in fresh clothes. I stepped back, horrified.

“ Sorry Ilhami, I was changing. I thought we should all have dinner together. And that we should get to know each other.” My father said, wrapping an arm around her.

It was happening. No. No. “ You can’t do this. Are you doing this to destroy your memories of mom?”

My father took his arm off her, and tried to reach towards me with a frown. “Ilhami what do you mean?”

“You’re marrying an atheist? Of all the people you could marry…you picked an atheist?” Shock showed on both of their faces.

My dad cleared his throat. “ I can explain, Ilhami.” He wasn’t denying it.

I shook my head.  “ No! I don’t need an explanation.  Fine. Destroy the family you have left. Destroy the memories of mom with marrying some atheist who whored her way into your life!”

My dad’s hand whammed into my face. Everything stood still. My dad’s hand quivered over his mouth.

Ignoring my dad calling my name as he followed me, I grabbed the keys to go anywhere. Anywhere but here.

***

I sat on the park bench when Sydney came running. Her hair was clamped to her face, as she panted. Sydney came.

“Ilhami, what the hell are you doing calling me here in the middle of the night? I’m going to be in so much trouble if my parents find out−”

“My father’s marrying an atheist.” Sydney’s face fell. Sydney sat next to me and put her bag down on the bench.

“Ilhami I think you need to calm down and talk it out. He’s your dad−”

“Who is marrying some women who is against everything my mother stood for.” I took a deep breath. “Or at least, everything my mother stood for.”

Sydney crossed her arms. “Ilhami, you need to forget your mom.”

I blinked. “W-What?”

Sydney gave me a stern face. “Your dad wants to move on. Don’t prevent him from being unhappy, and don’t worry him by running out with your car in the night. Who cares if he’s marrying an atheist? If your God ‘loves’ you, he will let you love whoever you want. Despite whomever they may be. Even if it a sin, God should still love your father no matter what. If not, what kind of God is that?” Sydney finished, staring into my eyes.

I stared her. And stared.  The only person I thought I could turn to was against me. A hole was opening beneath me.

I got up. “You don’t understand. Maybe you never will. I don’t care. Don’t go off on me about your own damn self-hatred about God. Stop projecting unto to me. Just because you have no beliefs, doesn’t mean you can stomp on mine. People like you….are sick and disgusting to me.” I bellowed, and Sydney froze. Then tears came streaming down her face.

Oh no. “Sydney…I-I didn’t mean that…”

“It’s fine. Go and do whatever the hell you want. Just don’t call me anymore or talk to me.” Sydney got up and brushed aside from me, leaving me alone. My feet planted to the ground.

I just hurt Sydney who wanted help me. What the hell was wrong with me? Out of my eye, I spotted her bag. “Damn.” I picked up her bag, and sighed. What an idiot I was. “I’ll give it back later.”

Me and Sydney had to talk. I had to apologize.

***

But we didn’t talk. In fact, I didn’t see her for awhile. I went back home and arrived to cops all over the lawn. My father called the cops to find me, and was glad to have me home. But we didn’t talk.

I didn’t talk to anyone. Sydney left her phone in her bag, along with her sketchbook. I went to the park and to school many times. She wasn’t there. It’d been weeks.

The one day her phone rang. I needed to talk to her. I needed to know…something. So I picked up.

A girl’s voice shrieked over the phone. “Sydney, why are people telling me you’re in the hospital and you tried to commit suicide?”

“What?” Air left my body.

In that moment, I realized something. Everyone had problems. Problems you would never know about it. So be considerate, and be understanding. Otherwise you could nearly lose them. I knew that now.

I ended the phone call, and I needed to see one person before Sydney.

I ran down the stairs to the living room.

“Dad!”